How to transition well to two under two - my top tips and tricks and advice for small age gaps

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My first two babies were 15-months apart. Although we planned a small age gap, I never knew what to expect telling people I was pregnant again. I found more people were positive and encouraging than I expected, but it always felt heavy when the news was met with raised eyebrows and unsolicited advice or wishes for “good luck.”

It seems like society believes two years is the perfect age gap and anything less is going to be chaos. As a huge fan of our 15-month age gap, I’m here to share a message of hope along with my favourite tips and tricks to transition well into life with two-under-two.

I firmly believe you can enjoy motherhood at every stage. I hope these two-under-two tips will help you make life easier and help you enjoy motherhood in this season as you adjust to two-under-two.

Prepare Your Toddler

Though my daughter was small, I frequently told her what to expect. I explained there was a baby in my belly, that soon the baby would come out, and it would be a part of our family forever, that she would be a big sister to a little brother or a little sister.

In the final weeks of My pregnancy, my mom gifted her with a baby doll so she could have her own baby to care for and practice.

It was hard to be apart from my very young daughter when I was giving birth. But again, I explained to her that she was going to spend A couple of nights at her nana's house, (a place where she was already very comfortable) so the baby could come out of my belly. I told her when she got back, we would have a new baby as a part of our family.

I would always rather over-communicate than leave information out even with toddlers. They understand more than we give them credit for!

Greet your toddler alone

When it came time to introduce my daughter to my son, my daughter, 15 months, to my son, newborn, We followed the advice everyone seems to share. Instead of holding the baby when the toddler meets them, greet your toddler and go look at the baby together.

We had been apart from my daughter for two nights, so it was important to me to intentionally spend a moment with her and hug her before thrusting her new sibling at her.

Once we were ready, we took her into our bedroom where her brother was lying on the bed and showed her, “look, the baby came out of mommy's tummy!” My daughter was so excited! She couldn’t stop staring. I’m sure the relationship will recover after a negative first impression, but I wanted to do everything in my power to make this part smooth.

*Photos by Erin Caitlin* *erincaitlin.com*

Don’t micromanage interactions

Let them touch the baby. I knew I didn’t want to be constantly saying “no” anytime my daughter got near her brother. Instead of saying, “don't touch him,” “don't poke his eyes,” “don't do that,” constantly, I focused on what she could do.

I started ahead of time when she was playing with her doll. She was fascinated with the eyes that open and close, but instead of saying “don't poke the eyes,” I would say “let's do this instead,” and redirect her to kissing or tickling.

She had lots of practice on her baby doll, so when her brother was born, it felt natural and she responded well to the redirection.

Get Help Postpartum

I'm fortunate to live in Canada where my husband is granted five weeks of paternity leave. Of course, he doesn't receive full pay during this time, but it was important to me for him to take that full amount of time, no matter what financial benefits we missed out on.

Adding another baby to our family is one of the most important times in our lives. It's not just a transition for me or the baby but for our whole family. I consider it priceless for us all to be together and bond during that time.

If you’re unable to have your husband home, I strongly encourage asking family for help or hiring a postpartum doula to give you space to recover, rest and establish breastfeeding.

Lighten the Load

I knew I wouldn’t have time and space to cook postpartum, and I wanted to make life lighter for my husband too. I prepared some freezer meals to make life easier postpartum, and we intentionally planned to rely more on pre-made meals.

Since this is not your first child, I’m assuming you know what you need for postpartum care. I always like to stock up on these items ahead of time and put everything together in a basket for easy access.

Don’t rush into leaving the house

I’m truly shocked when I see women out and about right after giving birth. I’m not impressed by this. I’m usually thinking “Why aren’t you at home resting?” Only you will know when you feel ready physically and whether or not your social needs outweigh your physical needs, but please don’t let anyone pressure you into leaving the house with your new baby before you’re ready.

While pregnant with my second, I was nervous every time I thought about going out with two little kids. I spent a lot of time wondering “How am I going to get both of them in and out of the van safely?” Whenever I asked other moms how they did it, they would say, something along the lines of “I don't really know, I just did it.” Which was somewhat reassuring, but also frustrating, since there were no practical tips.

Thankfully, having my husband home made those first few outings a breeze. One child for each of us felt very smooth! Once I felt up to leaving the house by myself, it was a bit of a learning curve.

I used the stroller much more than I expected even sometimes to push my son to the van while walking with or carrying my daughter. Once my son got a bit stronger and no longer used a bucket seat, I often wore him out to the car and allowed my daughter to walk.

Thankfully, we already had a stroller that could do multiple configurations and accommodate one child or two. This came in very handy if we were at the park or somewhere similar. But again, I often chose to wear my son and keep my hands free to play with my daughter or carry her. I always tried to have multiple options including the baby carrier and double stroller. It was different every time, but outings were always smoother than I feared.

Release your expectations

I believe in a light and easy postpartum, so I didn't put pressure on myself to do too many outings or accomplish too much in those early newborn days and days of adjusting to my husband back at work.

Adjusting to life with a toddler and a newborn will likely mean more compromises. You may be grabbing more packaged snacks instead of homemade goodies. You may use screen time more than you like to. You may go to bed earlier than normal (for real, you will catch postpartum Micaela going to bed at 8:30 to make up for those night feeds.)

You will have days where you know you’re not the best mom you could be. On those days, I challenge you to look at the big picture instead. Today, you’re making decisions you’d rather not. But overall, you are still the mom God made you to be and the best mom for your kids. Even if you were short-tempered today and you really miss one-on-one time with your toddler, in the long run, your kids know they are loved and cherished and you will get to prioritize the things that matter to you again sooner than you think.

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I know the mom guilt tries to creep in more than ever when you look at each of your sweet babies and wish you could give them your undivided attention. I want to remind you - in giving them each other, you’ve truly given them the best gift you can! The lifelong bond really will outweigh any sadness your toddler feels about no longer being the centre of attention.

Ultimately, I know you'll be pleasantly surprised by the two-under-two life. Before you know it, your four-month-old is going to grin and giggle as your toddler entertains him. Or your toddler will excitedly run into the room and yell “Good morning” as the baby gets up from his nap.

There are abundant blessings ahead and I'm so excited for you as you discover this new version of your family!

How to Transition to Two-Under-Two