8 Ways to Prepare for a Peaceful Postpartum

When I was weeks away from having my first baby, I started prepping HARD. I was buckling up prepared to bleed from every hole in my body for months, never sleep again and be deeply depressed. My padcicles were in the freezer next to weeks worth of homemade meals, my husband had 5 weeks scheduled off work and only the easiest double-zipper sleepers filled a nearby basket. We didn’t feel ready but we were bracing ourselves to tackle this whole postpartum/newborn thing as best we could.

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My postpartum experience completely shocked me. It wasn’t like the horror stories I had read online, it was peaceful. It was good. It was a sweet and sacred season.

Postpartum recovery is hard. Learning to breastfeed (even when you’ve done it before) is hard. Getting to know a new family member is hard. Missing one-on-one time with your husband or older children is hard. Changing your routine and having grace for yourself as your capacity changes is hard.

But I truly believe by gaining knowledge, simplifying household tasks and managing your expectations, you can have a peaceful postpartum.

Below is a comprehensive guide to help you prepare for postpartum in every way. But please don’t look at this list and feel totally overwhelmed. I don’t want you to see this as a daunting checklist requiring you to complete every item perfectly. Instead, see it as a helpful guide with thought prompts to pick and choose from. Nothing on this list is going to make or break your child’s whole life. We’ll discuss ways to make your life easier as you transition, but you already possess everything you need to love and care for this baby.

1. Prepare Emotionally

How do you know you’re ready to have a baby? I see people debating this question all the time and it annoys me. Are you ever ready to be a mom? I don’t think so. Whether you’re a first-time mom or you’re planning for your third like me, you can never fully prepare. You’re welcoming a person you’ve never met into your family. How can you truly know what to expect?

This is why I place so much emphasis on preparing emotionally. You can make all the padcicles you want and cook freezer meals all day long (we’ll get to that) but if you don’t prepare your heart and adjust your expectations, you’re going to be disappointed.

Release Expectations

In order to enjoy the newborn phase, you need to let go of the pinterest-perfect picture in your head. Not everything will go how you plan, but that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re learning and you will adjust as you go. If you want to have a peace-filled postpartum, it starts with having grace for yourself.

Mourn the End of Life as You Know it

Have you had a major cry session about the life you’re leaving behind yet? You don’t need to pile guilt onto all those heavy emotions - its okay. You can be full of joy for the child you’re about to meet AND struggle to let go of the life you have now.

I felt it deeply in my first pregnancy, letting go of a sweet and simple child-free life full of fun with my husband.
I felt it in my second pregnancy, letting go of peaceful days giving my daughter all my attention.
I feel it in my third pregnancy wondering how I will fit another person on my lap or ever find one-on-one time with one of my kids.

Those feelings don’t mean you’re not excited for the life ahead. They don’t mean you’re a bad mom or won’t love your baby. This sadness is a natural part of letting go so you can fully embrace the little person about to join you. Instead of telling yourself those feelings are wrong, lean in. Mourning the end of something good will help you fully embrace what’s ahead.

2. Prepare the People Around You

Have Open Conversations with Your Husband

Not all guys understand the realities of giving birth. Your husband might be brushing up on dad jokes, but he likely isn’t researching the same things you are. This isn’t the time to mess around and hope he reads your mind, you need to tell your husband what you’ll need in those early postpartum weeks. Or, tell him what you think you’ll need and ask him to leave space for you to change your mind.

Do you need him to take time off work? (yes, you do)
Do you need him to plan on changing all the diapers as you recover?
Do you have fears about postpartum sex?
Do you want him to text your families when you’re in labour or keep it private?

Bring it all up in conversation, and ask if he has any hopes or fears he wants to chat through.

Prepare Your Toddler/Older Children

My oldest daughter was 15 months old when my son was born. It was hard to tell how much she understood leading up to his birth, but I talked to her about the baby often. She knew to lift up my shirt and say “babee” and she got to practice interacting with babies using a doll. I often encouraged her to hold the baby’s hand or tickle its belly, and this helped me redirect her more naturally once my son was born and she just wanted to poke his eyes.

Now that my daughter is older and we’re expecting our third, it is so much more fun to chat with her about it! She keeps telling me she’s getting a sister named Lula (we don’t know the gender) and trying to feed my belly snacks.

No matter the age of your children, there’s no harm in assuming they understand more than they do. Tell them a new baby is coming and specific ways things will change or stay the same. While eating breakfast tell them “soon we’ll eat breakfast and the baby will be here with us in a bouncer or in mommy’s arms.” “soon when I take you to the potty, the baby will come too!”

It is better to over-communicate than under-communicate, and no matter how small your toddler is, they will understand at least some as you tell them a new baby is coming.

Build in More Postpartum Boundaries Than You Think You Need

I cancelled Christmas the year my daughter was born. I would have been 42 weeks on December 21, and since she was my first, I had no idea when she would come. I told our families to make plans to celebrate without us. Since my daughter joined us closer to the beginning of December, we were ready to travel and visit family by Christmas.

I knew it would be easier to change my mind and announce we were feeling up to it than break the news last minute that we wouldn’t make it if things had gone differently.

Whether you’re having your first child or your fifth, it's hard to predict what you will need in those early postpartum days. I always tell new moms to avoid making any commitments. If people ask when they can meet the baby, tell them it will depend on how the birth goes and when you feel up to it.

Tips for Visiting a New Mom (send this list to your family and friends):

Don’t assume she’s ready for visitors. A good way to open the conversation is “Congratulations on your sweet bundle of joy! Are you feeling up to visitors or do you need more time?”
Instead of “When can I come to see the baby?” ask “Is there a time we could visit on [specific day]?” so they can more easily decide whether or not it works for them.
Always bring food. Prioritize this over a gift for the baby. The baby has enough stuff.
Instead of “Would you like me to make you a meal?” (they’ll probably say no) say “I’d love to drop off dinner. Which night is better ___ or ___?” Plan to drop it outside unless you’re specifically invited inside.
Don’t assume you’re helping by holding the baby. The mom needs time to bond with her baby and may not be ready to hand them over.
If you hold the baby and they start crying, don’t try to tell the mom what they need or try to be a hero by comforting them. Hand them back. It is painful to watch someone else hold your crying newborn when you know they want you.
If you want to help, jump in and wash some dishes or mop the floors instead.

3. Prepare for Postpartum Rest

Empty Your Schedule

In the same way you want to avoid committing to visitors, avoid commitments of every kind in the first few weeks of your new baby’s life. You don’t know how the birth will go. You don’t know how you will be feeling emotionally or physically. It will be better to make plans or commitments after the baby arrives.

Resting and bonding with your new baby has to be your number one priority, no matter what pushback you receive from those around you.

Slash Your To-Do List

Remove everything from your to-do list. I’m not just talking about big projects, release yourself from the day-to-day tasks too. It may be hard to watch laundry and dishes pile up, but its important to mentally release yourself from those tasks. You may decide to hire help, or you may need to accept that your home won’t be up to your usual standards for a little while.

When my husband went back to work after our first child was born, my freezer was stocked with meals and we had a stash of disposable plates. Instead of putting pressure on myself to cook every day or keep up with my regular homemaking routine, I celebrated big when I accomplished a simple task like cooking myself a hot breakfast or cleaning the bathrooms!

Caring for your baby and keeping your peace NEED to be your number one priority. This isn’t a time to get into a homemaking competition or try to “bounce back.” This is a time to rest and ease back into your regular tasks, celebrating every step of the way.

Ensure You Have Adequate Support

I live in Canada where we are blessed with long parental leaves. My husband is entitled to 5 weeks and even though it is a significant financial sacrifice, we always plan for him to take ALL of it. It can be hard to think of the money you are losing out on, but I focus on the time we’re gaining as a family. The bonding time and memories you make in those sweet newborn days are priceless and irreplaceable. I believe in making whatever sacrifices necessary to enjoy those precious days as a family.

If for some reason your husband is not available to support you postpartum, consider asking another family member for help or hiring a postpartum doula. Look into cleaning or laundry services, and plan to eat more takeout or rely on a meal delivery service.

4. Prepare Your Home

Make Freezer Meals

I always joke that my postpartum cravings are stronger than my pregnancy cravings. After giving birth and while learning to breastfeed, I’m ravenous! I like preparing nourishing meals ahead of time so we can eat home-cooked meals easily.

When choosing meals to prep ahead of time, consider your favourite casseroles that freeze well, bagging up soup ingredients to throw in the slow cooker, and marinated meats your husband can easily grill or toss in the oven.

Some of my favourite meals to prep ahead include:

Shepherd’s Pie
Lasagna
Red Lentil Casserole
Enchiladas
Stuffed Pepper Soup
Beef Stew
Burger Patties
Marinated Chicken

Postpartum is all about finding simple ways to eat nourishing food. This is also a great time to start having groceries delivered, invest in convenience foods like rotisserie chickens and veggie trays, and say an eager “yes, please!” to anyone who offers to make you a meal.

Declutter

Use that nesting energy to declutter every corner of your home. Extra stuff means extra work, so reduce what you own in every room. Donate unused kitchen utensils, reduce kids’ toys and clothes, declutter your closet, and get rid of any beauty products or household products you don't use.

If parting with these items feels intimidating, simplify each area by storing some things away until you decide whether or not you need it. I find this is especially helpful with clothing that doesn’t fit my postpartum body and decor items I don’t want to dust around or keep away from little hands.

Simplify Your Systems

This is a great time to look at systems in your home that aren't functioning well or require too much of your attention.

Here are a few ways we've simplified our home:

I don't fold laundry. We use cube storage (think Ikea Kallax) and a few hangers for each person, so putting away laundry takes minutes.
I only buy my kids black pants with a few exceptions. Choosing an outfit for them is quick because everything goes together and once they are able to dress themselves, I won't need to worry about crazy outfit combinations.
We loosely do toy rotations. We have a small amount of toys out at a time, so my nightly clean-up happens quickly. This also means when I rotate the toys, everything feels fresh and the kids play happily for hours.
I only cook three times a week, and I cook in big batches to plan for leftovers. We rotate through the same five or six meals instead of constantly trying new recipes or buying ingredients we only use once.
I run the dishwasher every night whether it's full or not. This saves a lot of mental energy trying to decide “is it time yet?” and means we get a fresh start every morning instead of searching everywhere for the favourite pancake spatula.

Of course, your list may not be as extreme as mine, but I strongly suggest simplifying everything you can as you prepare to welcome your new baby.

5. Prepare for a smooth birth

Educate Yourself

Of course, a smooth birth leads to a smooth recovery. We can’t control every aspect of our birth story, but there’s a lot you can do to learn and prepare. Birth is a big deal. Don’t leave your experience up to chance!

I grew up thinking childbirth was scary and horrible and always traumatic. For a long time, I didn't want to have biological kids because of this belief. When I learned birth can be beautiful and peaceful and happen in my own space, it changed everything. I'm thankful to say I've had two very peaceful home births with very smooth recoveries.

If you are learning about childbirth for the first time, I strongly recommend taking a birth course! I took my friend Madeline's course Birth Without Burden and learned so much about common interventions and how to avoid them. There is always something we can do to prepare our minds and bodies for a more peaceful birth experience.

6. Prepare for the Baby

Buy less than you think you need

Newborn babies don't need much.

I roll my eyes every time I read a list of baby must-haves. One person's must-haves are another person's clutter and it's difficult to predict what you actually need for your baby especially if it's your first. Of course, some items are a genuine must-haves (like diapers or a car seat) but if you're trying to decide how many onesies you need or whether you should buy a bum spatula or a booger picking stick, stop. Start with just a few onesies, and wait to see what you actually like once the baby is here.

What if I forget to buy an important baby item?

If you forget you buy something important, you will be able to acquire it within hours from Walmart or Amazon prime. There is no need to fear being without a needed item. You have freedom to change your mind and purchase items once the need becomes clear.

What do I actually need for my baby?

In the early newborn days, you will need a car seat, a stroller, a baby carrier, a place for them to sleep, a few sleepers and diapers. Everything else is a luxury that may or may not make your life easier.

For more inspiration to help you build a minimal baby registry check out this blog post: What you ACTUALLY need for your baby's first year of life

Should I decorate a nursery for my baby?

It is not necessary to decorate a nursery for your baby. Your newborn who can only see a few inches away from their face won't know the difference, and they likely won't sleep in their own room for several months. You may want to have a crib set up and clothes organized in the closet, but don't feel pressured to create some kind of Pinterest-perfect design unless you want to take on that project for fun.

7. Prepare Postpartum Supplies for Mom

Build a Postpartum Care Kit

Like with baby items, I recommend keeping it simple to start and ordering any last-minute additions on Amazon.

You will need:

A peri bottle (my midwives always provide one, but I know a lot of women swear by this one Amazon.ca | Amazon.com)
Large overnight pads (I like this organic option Amazon.ca | Amazon.com)
Healing ointment/spray (I make a DIY spray with essential oils)
Nursing pads (I like these reusable pads Amazon.ca | Amazon.com)
Underwear you don't care about

You may want:

Adult diapers
Sitz bath supplies (epsom salts and essential oils)
A bidet (I love this bidet attachment Amazon.ca | Amazon.com)

How do I build a Postpartum Care Kit?

Decide which items you want to include (large pads, disposable underwear, healing ointment or spray, a peri bottle and lactation pads)
Compile items in a box or basket
Place the basket in a convenient location such as on top of your toilet

What is a Padcicle?

A padcicle is a large pad that is covered in healing ointment and chilled in the freezer. These chilled pads provide great relief after childbirth.

How to make Padcicles:

Combine fresh aloe vera gel, witch hazel and essential oils in a bowl
Spread some of the gel on a large menstrual pad
Chill in the freezer, leaving it open so it does not freeze together
Once ready to use, place the pad on underwear as normal and enjoy the soothing benefits

8. Learn About Newborn Care

More important than buying tons of clothes and toys your newborn likely doesn't need, invest time and money in education. Choose one book or course in each of the following areas to help you get started. Only seek out another resource if there are gaps or you want to learn from another perspective. I find starting with ONE resource helps me to avoid overwhelm.

Before your baby comes, learn about

Birth (Take the Birth Without Burden Course or read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth Amazon.ca | Amazon.com)
Breastfeeding (Read Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding Amazon.ca | Amazon.com)
Baby Sleep

In the first few months of your baby's life learn about

Potty training (Go Diaper Free Podcast)
Communicating with toddlers (Read How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen Amazon.ca | Amazon.com)
Starting solids

You will have time to continue learning and prepare for the next stage when your baby is here. Don't stress yourself out trying to learn about baby-lead weaning and toddler tantrums while pregnant. Focus on finding one good resource about birth, breastfeeding and baby sleep and trust that you will have time to learn everything else as you need to.

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You have everything you need

I know this list was long and may feel intimidating, but I want to remind you you have everything you need to be a good mom and enjoy a peaceful postpartum bonding with your new little babe.

I recommend focusing on the emotional aspects of preparation. You can have a peaceful postpartum, but you have to choose a peaceful postpartum. If you feel the need to be a martyr and do it all yourself, or if you want to impress people with how quickly you’re out and about, you likely won’t experience peace in this season.

Focus on preparing your mindset for rest and having important conversations with the people around you. If you forget to buy newborn diapers or lactation pads, I promise, you'll have some within hours and be fine. If you forget to prepare your heart, it’ll be harder to slow down and rest once the baby is here.

May God bless you as you prepare to welcome a new family member!

How to Prepare for a Peaceful Postpartum