Three Reasons to Keep Your Due Date Private This Pregnancy
18 minutes. That's how long after her due date, my first child was born.
I was shocked when she almost arrived on her date - the date I bitterly stared at on the calendar and fought to avoid placing significance on. I've watched far too many women get stressed out when the 40-week mark comes and goes with no sign of their baby. Whether it’s a few days or a couple of weeks past 40 weeks, we can’t help but describe the baby as “late.”
To protect my sanity and privacy, I decided early on in my first pregnancy to keep my “due date” private. I’m sharing three main reasons you may want to do the same and keep your due date (or “guess date”) private. I hope it will encourage you to protect your mental state if you’re in your final weeks of pregnancy or honour the intuition you already have to ignore that date on the calendar.
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1. Due Dates are an Estimate
According to Ontario Midwives, only 5 per cent of babies are born on their due date. Narrowing the prediction down to just one day seems fruitless when each woman and each baby has a different variation of normal. A healthy baby can be born anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks.
It seems odd to put all the focus on the 40-week mark and describe a baby as “early” or “late” depending on whether they fall days prior or days later than this marker.
There is typically a discrepancy between measurements taken during a dating ultrasound and the last menstrual period. Many women go in for a dating ultrasound and celebrate if told they are “further along” than previously estimated. This subtle shift in “due date” can cause problems towards the end of pregnancy if their practitioner is eager to induce.
I meticulously track my cycle, so I have always felt more comfortable going by my ovulation date or last menstrual period than relying on an ultrasound. With European genetics, my babies typically measure a week or more “ahead” by ultrasound. I am much more comfortable trusting my cycle and so far, I have given birth right around 40 weeks each time.
photo by Erin Caitlin
2. Protect Your Privacy in Labor and Early Postpartum
Few things irritate a very pregnant woman more than telling her she looks huge or asking when the baby will be here. No one knows when the baby will be here, stop asking. If she wants to discuss potential “signs of labour” she’ll bring it up. If you’ve ever googled “signs of labour” you know most of them are very personal like prolonged diarrhoea and vaginal discharge. Most of us would rather keep those symptoms to ourselves!
Labour is an extremely vulnerable time. It’s difficult to be patient waiting for things to progress, and it is always unpredictable. Fielding text messages from loved ones looking for updates can be very distracting for both you and your partner.
Giving birth is one of the very biggest life events. It requires complete presence and may take a long time to process mentally. If you want to enjoy those final sacred weeks of pregnancy, labour and the precious first few days of your new baby’s life uninterrupted, you will benefit from keeping the date to yourself.
3. Remain Patient in the Final Weeks of Pregnancy
Those final days and weeks of pregnancy are so sacred. You know your whole world will change at any moment and you’re eager to meet your baby, but you’re also mourning the end of the family and life you have now. There is nothing like it. Seriously - imagine if you were getting married but you didn’t know who you were marrying or which day the wedding would spontaneously happen. That’s what waiting for a baby is like!
It can be tough to keep your sanity in those final days. Since a baby’s arrival can’t be narrowed down to one specific day, I would rather plan on being pregnant for 42 weeks and be pleasantly surprised if the baby joins us sooner.
Of course, you’ll naturally begin the regular nesting, prepping and packing emergency bags at 37 or 38 weeks. It's hard not to! But if you plan to be pregnant for an extra two weeks, any time sooner will make you feel like you've had bonus time with your sweet little babe.
I’m personally not interested in discussing induction without a clear medical reason. I see no need to have conversations with providers about induction before I’ve reached 41 weeks of pregnancy. Downplaying the date you become 40 weeks will likely help you remain patient instead of rushing into an induction just because you’re excited.
Should I keep my due date a secret?
For me, the answer is a firm “yes!” I would rather hold the timing loosely and protect my peace of mind.
Babies come when they are good and ready, no matter what crazy at-home induction methods your friends and neighbours swear by. Only the baby will decide when they’re ready to be born and trying to get them out on a specific calendar date is rarely helpful.
Do I have to have a due date?
As much as I wish there was a way around it, your practitioner will likely insist on assigning you a “due date” to go on your medical records.
Although your chart will indicate a predicted date, I suggest viewing it neutrally as the day you’ll be 40 weeks pregnant and referring to it as something different like a guess date or due month.
Photo by Erin Caitlin
How can I keep my due date a secret?
If someone asks when the baby is due, respond with only the month. People usually accept this as an adequate answer, but if they press, you can simply tell them you don’t believe in due dates and the baby will come when they’re ready. You can give a vague answer like “the end of March” if you want to, but remember, no one is entitled to information about your body and your baby, and most people won’t push for a specific date.
How can I plan postpartum visitors without a due date?
I think a better question is “Will I want visitors postpartum?” As with all birth and postpartum plans, it is best to hold them loosely and avoid overcommitting. Once your sweet babe arrives, you may be deep in a postpartum fog and want space to bond with your newborn, or you may be eager for socialization. Either way, I strongly suggest waiting to make any social plans. Those closest to you will find a time to meet your little one when you are feeling up to it.
Hold it loosely
If you focus on enjoying the final weeks of pregnancy and the mystery of it all, you will likely find yourself with more peace and patience surrounding the arrival of your new baby. Protect your privacy postpartum and your mindset by keeping your due date to yourself. Happy birthing!
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