002 | Hope When You’re Failing in Motherhood
Your God-Given Value
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You can't make God love you more. Sometimes, I kind of wish we could. I have always been motivated by achievement, so I like the idea of trying to earn more of God's love and trying to do everything right to make Him like me better and bless me more.
But God's love for you is unchanging, and it's something outside of your control.
No matter what you do, no matter how badly you mess up or how perfect of a mom and Christian you are, you cannot change God's love for you. I hope that gives you peace today because knowing that our value is outside of our control, that God's love for us is completely unchanging, frees us up to live with genuine joy and excitement instead of striving to earn something we already have.
Knowing our God-given value is the antidote to feeling like a bad mom, feeling like you're not keeping up, or being overwhelmed by your to-do list.
When we remember our value is not based on anything we can control, it changes everything for us as moms. As I share the following reminders, I encourage you to check yourself. Sometimes, as Christian moms, we know in our head that our worth is in Christ, yet we still live as if we can control our value and somehow change our worth.
Here are a few truths about what your value is not based on:
1. Your value is not based on what you do.
Your worth is not based on productivity. Isn’t that a blessing for us moms? I know you probably have a to-do list at the start of each day, even if it's just in your head. You have things you want to accomplish, but I'm guessing you get interrupted often.
I have days where it feels like I can't even complete a thought. I might start tasks over and over without ever finishing them. It’s always frustrating when our plans get interrupted, but we can walk in peace knowing that it doesn't change our value.
As moms, the best thing we can do is be with our children. We are often forced to learn this in the newborn phase. Tiny babies need us constantly. Every few hours we need to pause what we’re doing and feed the baby. Even though it's tempting to rush through those moments to be "productive," there is beauty in simply being present with your child.
2. Your value is not based on what other people think or say.
It can feel heavy when others have opinions about how we mother—and let's be honest, everyone seems to have an opinion, whether they voice it or not. But your value as a mom is not based on what other moms around you are doing or the unsolicited advice older adults give.
I often remind myself that I can't be an A+ mom in every category. I have to choose what to prioritize. Some moms always have their kids in the cutest outfits with perfect hair. That is not me! I recently started only buying black pants for my kids to simplify things. But something I do prioritize is what I feed them. We all have different strengths, and that's okay. Choose what matters to you, and lean in.
3. Your value is not based on your children's behavior.
Of course, you're doing everything in your power to support your kids and help them function well. But sometimes, they are tired, hungry, or having a rough day.
I know it can be embarrassing when your child misbehaves in public. But your value remains unchanging. Other moms who are also in the thick of it know that a child's behavior isn't a direct reflection of their parenting. So take a deep breath, and remember that your worth is secure.
4. Your value is not based on your children's happiness.
It is not your job to make your kids happy all the time. The sooner we accept this, the better.
Even in the newborn phase, we have to learn this. Newborns cry. Often we can comfort them, and that is a beautiful thing! But sometimes they are upset and we can’t figure out why.
As they grow, they will have bad days. Sometimes, they will be upset because of a consequence you had to enforce. They might even act like they don't like you for a little while. But that's okay.
Your job is to provide for their needs, keep them safe, and raise them to know Jesus. That means they will be unhappy at times. Your value is not tied to how happy your child is at any given moment.
5. Your value is not based on your body.
Not on how it looked before babies, how it looks postpartum, or how it changes with age. Society places so much value on youth and an unrealistic standard of perfection. But our bodies were meant to change.
So many women strive to "get back" to their pre-pregnancy bodies, but I encourage you to embrace the changes. Your body was never meant to stay the same forever.
I once learned in an anthropology class that a woman's bone structure permanently changes after carrying and delivering a baby. That means your body will never be exactly the same again. And that is a good thing.
Instead of expecting our bodies to look like they did in our youth, we should start seeing the beauty in the evidence of the life we've lived. The stretch marks, the changes, even the wrinkles that will come with time—these are all reminders of the experiences and wisdom we have gained.
Final Thoughts
So here are the reminders I hope you carry with you today:
You can't make God love you more.
Your value is not based on what you do.
Your value is not based on what others think or say.
Your value is not based on your children's behavior.
Your value is not based on your children's happiness.
Your value is not based on your body.
I hope these reminders encourage you today. If you enjoyed this episode, I think you'll love my new devotional, Bible Time Take Back. It's specifically for toddler moms who want to find time to read God's Word. The first section is all about rooting our identity in Christ.
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