Five things to do when motherhood feels hard
I don’t like talking about the hard parts of motherhood. For a long time, I didn't want to have children because of toxic mommy culture and the ways that people complain about their children and their role as a mom. I believed a lot of those lies and it made me not want to have children.
God abruptly changed my heart in the middle of the night, and a few years later, I have three under three. I'm in one of the busiest, most chaotic seasons of motherhood, but it's still so good. I'm still so grateful this is the life I’m living!
Acknowledging the hard can feel like a betrayal to my past self. We need more women highlighting the good parts of motherhood.
But of course, we all experience tough seasons no matter how much we love our kids and our motherhood journey. So what do you do? When motherhood is hard, how do you respond? I’m sharing five things that help me in the midst of a challenging season.
1. Pray Over Your Identity
You have an enemy. Satan has it out for you, your children and for your view of motherhood. If you start to believe lies like “I’m not a good mom” or “I can't do this” or “my kids would be better off with someone else,” those thoughts are not from God. That is from Satan, and that's where you need to start by submitting those thoughts to God and asking Him to inform your view of yourself and your role in your family.
For a deeper look at your identity and a battle plan for spiritual attacks, I recommend the book Fervent by Priscilla Shirer. This book changed my outlook on prayer and helped me discover the value in praying proactively instead of only reactively.
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2. Acknowledge the Hard Parts
When things are hard, I often feel tempted to gloss over it or deny it even in my own head. But when it feels hard, it's so important to voice it out loud or talk it through with your partner.
Acknowledging you’re in a hard season doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom. You’re not you don't like your kids or you don't want to hang out with them. You’re just acknowledging this particular season is hard, which means its probably hard for your kids too.
Acknowledging the hard parts doesn’t mean you need to find a solution right away. I don’t always have the capacity to make changes right away, but it can still be helpful to begin the conversation.
3. keep stating what you are grateful for
There is always something to be grateful for, especially as a parent when you're spending time with your sweet children. Focusing on the good can truly change how your brain works.
I remember when my daughter was about six months old, I often asked people “when will the novelty wear off? I still wake up every day so excited to be her mom. Is this going to wear off?” My favorite response was from my landlord at the time. She told me “When you are a grateful person, the novelty doesn't wear off. You continue to enjoy it and be grateful.” I believe she's absolutely right. When we focus on what we're grateful for and we remember what a blessing our children are, we continue to enjoy them even in the midst of those really crazy, chaotic, poo everywhere kind of moments.
4. speak life over your children.
Acknowledging that life feels heavy is different than saying something negative about your kids.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us “life and death are in the power of the tongue.” This is especially true when we're dealing with little people who hear what you say about them. If you start calling them annoying or saying they are a rude kid (instead of making the distinction that their actions were rude) they will start to believe those things about themselves.
Even language as subtle as the “terrible twos” bothers me. Two doesn't have to be terrible, and I believe it's possible to lean in and enjoy your child's curiosity.
5. Focus on Today
With three under three, I'm tempted to think “This is going to be harder when my youngest starts crawling or eating solids.” It's easy to look ahead and imagine tough scenarios.
But really, we can't predict what that season will look like or what our other kids will be like when the time comes. We can't predict how our capacity will grow and change before we get to those moments. Looking ahead and stressing is not fruitful.
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Final thoughts
I believe it's possible to love motherhood at every stage. Like I said, this is my most chaotic season so far. We're very much still adjusting. Our highs are higher, our lows are lower but even in the midst of busy moments the good moments outweigh the tough moments. I know as my kids grow the good moments will be what I remember.
Are you in a hard season of motherhood? A great season of motherhood? Praying to be a mother in the near future? Let me know in the comments where you're at. I would love to lift you up in prayer!
